This weekend was beautiful. Saturday and Sunday both got into the 60’s, the sun was out, people were grilling, and I heard crickets chirping at night which means nice weather is officially here to stay, folks. And I couldn’t be more afraid.
Up until I was 19 I was fat. Like, really fat. I’m talking would put deodorant under my boobs fat. And yeah it sucked trying to go through middle and high school hiding a massive gut and C-cups, but the worst part? Swamp ass. Like clockwork from April thorough September it looked like I sat in a puddle every. single. day. Getting called on to go up to the white board was the worst thing that could happen. Couldn’t turn my back to the class because they’d see my shorts turn from grey to black (with maybe a little bit of brown depending on how that situation was during the day) and couldn’t face them because when you’re 15 horniness doesn’t have situational awareness and ya never knew when something would pop.
Then I lost a bunch of weight. Good for my health, my confidence, blah blah blah. All I cared about was that the swass would dry up.
Wrong.
When Trump was campaigning all we heard was, “Drain the swamp.” I thought maybe he, too, had a bad case of swass and was trying to subliminally convey to the American people that 1- He’s like us, and 2- Someone needs to fix this ASAP.
I’ve tried everything: compression shorts, baby powder, assless chaps, the whole nine yards. Nothing works. I don’t know if I’m an overly sweaty guy (I am) or there is something legitimately wrong with me but it doesn’t stop. I wake up and just have a wet bum. I sweat so much in my sleep during the summer it feels like I pee’d the bed when I woke up. But really it was just my body and my cheeks gearing up for the day!
hey, Elon, stop trying to send cars to Mars for like, 10 minutes and help a guy out over here. More people would support you if you figured out how to fix this problem. Make a pair of underwear that absorbs the sweat and then converts it to a nice smelling perfume or something IDK. I’m not the scientist. But someone please help out 50% of the population. Please.
Bowles' Blog 