I was eating popcorn last night and like every other time I eat popcorn, I got a piece stuck between my teeth. Is there anything worse than getting popcorn stuck in your teeth? It just sits there and feels like someone is applying just enough pressure to your teeth to make you uncomfortable. It doesn’t hurt, but its an annoyance.
Anyways, when it got stuck my girlfriend said, “Go get a toothpick.” Thought to myself ya that makes sense so I got one. Then it immediately broke so I got another one. I stabbed my gums trying to pry the kernel out. And it broke. I got a third one because I’m a glutton for punishment and it broke between my fingers. I eventually just stuck my fingers in my mouth like I was packing a lip and pried the sucker out. But it got me thinking, why do we still use toothpicks?
They’re an antiquated tool created for men in the 1950’s to stick in their mouth when they weren’t cranking hoons or drinking scotch. Have you ever once successfully gotten something out of your teeth with a toothpick? Besides the blood that they cause 95% of the time? Little kids use them to look cool, I should know I was the king of having one hang out of my mouth because it looked “cool” and wearing an ace bandage for the same reason. But for practical use? Pointless. They don’t work, always break, and on the occasion the actually do something, you see all the gross remanence of last nights dinner that has been hanging around your mouth like addicts to a methadone clinic.
Lets do the smart thing and get rid of toothpicks once and for all. Everyone says millenials are generally awful and apathetic about everything. We can change that. We can start a movement. A movement so important it’ll rival that of Civl Rights and Womans Suffrage. Stop toothpicks 2K19.
Bowles' Blog 